The Script
[updated February 28th, 2006]
Heterotopia
Dean Works in the office. Doesn’t want to move on, is escaping something
Jeffery A bully. Stuck in his ways. Cant go anywhere because he’s moving in circles – bullied becomes the bully
Sarah Young woman. Depressed, has lost her love
Jack Teenager – represents uncertain potential – could go either way – end up as Jeffery or as Felicity
Mike Kind. Lost. Has lost memory. Could be Sarah’s lost partner
Mary-Jane Lively, frustrated. Little manic, probably a drug addict
Felicity Is wise but not perfect. Is the only one who knows whats going on
SPOILER WARNING: This is, obviously, the script of the play. If you are going to see the play, it is recommended that you wait to read the script until at least afterwards.
Heterotopia
A One act play
A framed room which could be an office. Several chairs and tables scattered randomnly.
FELICITY (sits front of stage and speaks to the audience)
You must understand that anyone in my place would have done the same thing.
When my closest friend told me I was wasting away, that was the first time I had been told I was doing something wrong with my life. I was silenced. It rescued me. I went to a place I can only describe in my dreams.
It felt like forever before I found out what was going on in there.
(FELICITY watches the action for a while and then walks into the office scene before her first line)
Dean You probably have to move on with this one. We don’t have the opportunity anymore. The efficiency model is the last resort but we have no choice. Our hands are tied.
Sarah I’m sorry?
Dean Get a move on – we haven’t got all day. I have to clear at least another five rooms
Sarah Why?
JACK What?
Sarah Why clear the rooms? Of what? There’s nothing in them
Jeffery Oh you are really quite stupid aren’t you honey?
Sarah Don’t ‘honey’ me. You don’t know why they want the rooms cleared.
JACK: Can anyone hear me? I’m sure I can hear voices
Jeffery (to Dean) Why don’t you stop pretending you’re having a normal day. It wont do you any good.
Dean You havent had a normal day in your life
Jeffrey Youre not working here. You know that. Leave it alone. It helps no-one. Especially not you.
JACK I can hear you but only in my head
(M enters)
M Damn. Not here again. I hate this place.
Mike Who are you?
Jeffery I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO EXISTS - you are a whisper in the darkness that has been forgotten
Mike What the hell is going on? (pause). This is nuts.
M peanuts? or walnuts? or squirrels?...Funny, I just remembered the taste of walnuts.
I am a squirrel and every year I bury my nuts in the yard and every year I lose them. I am looking for my nuts, have you seen them?
Jeffery Funny. I just remembered the taste of squirrel.
Fuck off
FELICITY Everyone quiet down. I can't hear the background over the din.
M Lets move closer.
Jeffery Whether we move closer or further away is irrelevant.
Mike Why does nothing seem familiar here? I remember that I was just in my car. Fast asleep. I don’t remember anything else.
JACK (whispers to FELICITY) Can I ask you a question?
FELICITY Sure thing
JACK I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing here
(pause)
Do you know?
FELICITY Don’t worry – you’ll get used to it – we’ll work it out together
JACK I don’t actually recognize anything or anyone
FELICITY But you know who you are and that’s a start.
JACK I don’t remember asking for this. I can’t stand it. I can’t feel anything. I’m a puppet.
Jeffery I hold the strings. Fancy that, you didn’t even feel me tugging. Can you feel me now?
Mike I don’t feel you tugging me. I don’t even know who you are. Or who I am for that matter.
(pause)
How do I know you aren’t me?
Jeffery Well I know you aren’t me cos you’re clearly not talking from my mouth.
(pause)
How do I know you aren’t me?
Mike God help me if I am
Jeffery Fuck off
Mike What makes me not you?
Sarah Wet leaves. soft moss. the smell of wet cedar bark.
Mike What?
Sarah Nothing.
Jeffery Let me out of here. You’re all the same. I don’t know who you are and I don’t care who you are. That’s the difference between us.
M Oh leave him alone. What’s your name?
Mike That’s the point. I have no idea.
M Oh I see.
Mike Do you?
Jeffery Oh shut up! You idiot. Does ANYONE SPEAK SENSE AROUND HERE? No obviously not.
FELICITY Stop shouting.
Jeffery Don’t tell me to stop.
Mike I don’t know where we are either, or why. But we are here. We are together somehow. And you’re not helping.
JACK Are we trapped?
Dean Yes you are
JACK starts to move towards the door. Jeffrey moves into his path.
Jeffery Look around you. What do you see? Nothing but emptiness. Everything has been gouged out of here.
Only in your dreams can you escape. And sometimes not even then. (Moves to block the door)
JACK Let me out
Mike Move out of the way
JACK Is it locked?
Dean Yes it is
(FELICITY moves forward to challenge Jeffery)
Mike What the hell is going on?
Jeffery Who do you think you are?
(reluctantly moves away from door under FELICITY’s gaze)
(Mike tries the door calmly – JACK in a panic)
JACK He’s locked it
Jeffery It was already locked, moron
Mike You came in that way – do you have the key?
M The key to what?
Mike The door
M The door… Oh the door!
Mike (to Dean) You say you work here. You must know how she came in.
Dean Coming in is easy. Its leaving that’s the problem
Jeffrey He doesn’t work here. Hes the same as the rest of us.
Sarah Which is what?
Mike Come on, you have to know. I came in that way too. But how to get out?
Dean Yes, that’s it. Teamwork! That's the key. There has never been teamwork before. Those who were smarter have come and gone.
Fixed their problems but didn't help the rest of us before they left....
All I know is that I want to get back to my life. My real life....
not this shit, not this undefinable nothing.
M Understand your fucking irony, people. You can leave this place. Jesus. I am stuck here.
FELICITY You can’t force others to see whatever you choose to see.
M No. I can if they think to listen to me.
FELICITY Some of them think too, when they are want to.
M If only I wasn’t trapped, I could tell them that here they are showing things that are buried in their past because it is safe.
FELICITY I understand. Look….
M I can’t. I am too mad.
FELICITY What you are seeing is your own brain whirling out of control.
M I am trapped here.
FELICITY No one is trapped. People escape from this place.
M But I just want to help them do that. I know how. Jesus. You are hiding pain. Look at how mean the jerk over there is. They are all self-serving. They are so simple… I am confused.
FELICITY You should be. All the mad thoughts going through your head. They are talking nonsense, you are talking confusion.
M Why don’t you explain to them. You can say it as I can’t…
FELICITY No. They have to do it on their own.
You all hold the solution. The mind is a small camera that can capture images and give them a voice. I urge you to take some snapshots and maybe they will stimulate your senses
Dean I am spinning on the inside and I can't find it. I know I left it around here somewhere. Id seen this book in one of the rooms and somehow I knew it held the answer for me. Where the fuck is it?
Jeffery Everything you’ve been doing has been done already. Nothing is new. You are trapped between a history already made and the future that you choose to make.
Dean Tucked in amongst two montrous books was a blue box. The box was a protective envelope to keep this book's pages, cover and fragile spine from becoming lost and broken forever.
(Psychodrama)
M You unfolded each flap of the box carefully until, there it lay. The tattered cover beautifully faded with the same image of random motion, marked by points of convergence, that we had decided was the construct of coincidence.
Dean I was running out of time and I had to place the book back in its case and decide to come back another day.
Jeffery When you went back you had forgotten where amidst the maze that room was. You felt very stupid didn’t you.
M But once you found it you knew that you had to share this little miracle with everyone.
Jeffery That was two days ago. Now there is no sign of it.
Dean I had proof that history is repetition
Jeffery And you let it go.
Dean I hate mysteries. I just want to know where it went. Books don't just damn well disappear.
M Books try to capture the moment so that life can extend into eternity. They are a reminder but like memory they can be misplaced, forgotten, burned, lost.
(Out of psychodrama)
Jeffery By the way. Ive been meaning to tell you. That blue book. That would be the one that I threw away a few days ago.
Dean Really? At least one of you has seen it. It exists. Did you happen to read the title? I don't speak German but maybe you do.
Jeffery Look .I did not say that to make you feel better. I said it to make you feel worse. Moron God eveyone around here is so pathetic. I THREW it AWAY. Get it!!!!!!!! Trash - ripped up - covered in tomato seeds.
Maybe I didnt see it! Ha! maybe I just imagined it! Anything can happen here cant it? Who knows when you saw it or even if you did. perhaps you dreamt it? Wanting attention.
M I hate this. Just sitting here waiting.
JACK How long do you have to wait?
Sarah Are we waiting?
Jeffery I’m not fucking waiting for anything
JACK Waiting for what?
Sarah Are we waiting for things to get worse or better?
M Oh definitely better. I’m not coming back here again. I'd rather die.
JACK Wait! Are we dead?You said you were in the car then you couldn’t remember anything…
Mike I don’t think I died….What does it feel like to be dead?
JACK Its like, you look on your life and for the first time you’re that person.
Mike I’ve removed myself but I don’t know who I am. I don’t think that’s being dead. I don’t feel dead.
FELICITY What do you feel?
Mike Scared and sad
Sarah The dead don’t feel anything
JACK ARGH! Just shut up. You all speak and speak. I can't stand it. I don't remember asking for this. If you can hear me, get me out.
I can't feel anything. I'm a puppet.
Jeffery I hold the strings.
Fancy that, you didn't even feel me tugging.
Can you feel me now?
JACK (ignoring Jeffrey and pursuing Mike) You must know if you are dead or not
Mike Do you? I think that you people are just going crazy. Thinking that we are puppets? Or dead? Dead puppets?
Sarah Tell us about what happened in the car
(Psychodrama) many voices join – Sarah and JACK, more and more extreme
Tell us about the car, the car…..
Mike (becomes more and more distant) I don’t remember….
Sarah He doesn’t remember. (angry) Why don’t you remember?
FELICITY I think we should get back to our minds images. That was helping us. (to Mike) Do you have a story to tell? Any story – doesn’t have to be about cars.
Mike Did I miss a story? A bedtime story? What's it about?
Oh, all right, I'll tell a story.
Once upon a time, there was a very blue planet. This planet had other sister and brother planets that liked to revolve around it. And as one year passed on the blue planet, several hundred years passed on its brothers' and sisters' surfaces.
And what else was there in the story? ... Oh yes.
The end.
Jeffery nice story..
Let me tell you a little story about Copernicus. He discovered that our Universe is not geocentred (blue-planet centred) but is in fact heliocentered.
Translation: "brother and sister" planets don't revolve around blue planet they all revolve around the sun. Everything revolves around the sun. Idiot.
Please tell stories that are relevant and try to remember what happens at the end.
FELICITY Who has other memories? What about this place? Who has been here the longest?
Dean He has. (to Jeffrey) He was always here. (Jeffrey storms off)
Dean There isn't much to say for the people that stay here. They are here for only a few nights, sometimes more, sometimes less but they always leave. I can rarely tell who stayed in which room, I guess it doesn't matter, after a while they all look the same. I always get the sense that what they leave behind is important ; you know like when You are travelling and you forget a piece of clothing or an earing or the telephone number of the person you were supposed to call.
These little fragments I filter and sometimes, just sometimes, I keep them.
These little items are what breaks the monotony of my days.
JACK How do you know they’re not coming back? What makes you so sure?
M The cat came back though we thought he was a gonna
Dean Well, Ive never seen anyone except her come back
Sarah I remember the first time I was able to open my eyes in here. How many days has it been now for you? I always thought you'd be among the first to go
Days? Weeks? Months? Who can tell in here?
I've started pulling my hairs out and leaving them on the floor for every time someone comes and goes...
... Nearly 2,000 hairs as I count them. That's a feat, isn't it? Heh, eventually it'll take me so long to count them that I'll need to pull another hair out before I finish counting. Wouldn't that be great!? Counting such a large number of days that it takes days to do it!
It's funny, though. I have no sense of time anymore..... it's all just another day.
M I have been here before so I know what we are supposed to do. Its ok, we have to work together and sort our problems out. Ok, I think its time to begin, everyone sit in a circle. (Tries to get everyone to sit down).
Dean We don’t have time for this right now
FELICITY What else do you have to do?
(Dean glares at her but does not react)
Jeffery Im not going to join in
M Do you want to tell us why you don’t want to sit in a circle?
Mike Come on lets just do it
JACK I don’t know….
M How does that make you feel (to Mike)?
Mike Im freaked out
M How do you feel (Dean)?
Dean I don't know about you but I work here. Any job will seem like it keeps you against your will but at least I have a purpose. I have plans though. I am not going to work here forever.
I am here a lot but I don't see much of any of you. But you are here.
I would love a cup of coffee.
Jeffrey You don’t work here. How many times do I have to tell you.
M I told you to sit down. We go through this every time.
JACK You two know each other?
M Of course we do. (Jeffrey sits)
(to Dean) How about you? How are you feeling?
Dean I have a girlfriend. I call her every night. I don't know why sometimes but I know that I have to. If I don't hear her voice she is lost. Somehow the way that she forms the words, wraps her tongue around tricky syllables assuages my guilt. Sometimes I think the phone calls are too regular. Too much the same.
I phone every day because I must try and mend what I have sown. For me each ring is a reminder.
Jeffery You phone everyday? God, don't you have anything better to do?
What morons some people can be
Mike Shut up, you jerk.
M Can we stay away from judgements please?
Mike You phone everyday? That's so sweet... I've been waiting for someone to call. I've been waiting for forever.
If they don't call, is it because I'm the big mistake?
(long pause)
Jeffrey Theres no way anoyone can call you here. He doesn’t call anyone every day. You are just off your head.
Felicity Stop it now. That doesn’t help.
M Quite right. Thank you.
Sarah I wish somebody would call me.
He used to call, everyday. He'd be so happy just to hear my voice.
"I just called to say I love you"
What is the point in that?
If you love me, then you love me. And I know that you love me. Why call to reassure it? to validate it? Just incase I forgot? Just in case you forget?
You love me.
Then you leave me.
It must not have ever been love at all. I think we were both too afraid of it to actually get it.
But then...why does it hurt so bad? That loss, him not around. It's like a part of me is missing.
That must be love.
(phone rings)
Jeffery I’m getting it
(M is angry that Jeffery gets the phone)
(on the phone) yes. No. No you cant just come here. That pretty fucking obvious isn't it. Where are you? You cant just call here. No Dean is not here. Go away.
Sarah (takes receiver from Jeffrey’s hand and listens)
No one there
(Puts phone down. She walks away. Phone rings again, Jeffrey picks it up )
Jeffrey What.
No he’s not here I told you already.
Dean Stop answering my fucking phone calls
Jeffery Moron.
Sarah Why do you do that? Who was it? Can we get calls here?
Jeffery (to Dean) Well, can we?
M Private calls are not allowed.
Jeffery No, we can’t. He’s fixed the system so it looks like someone cares. But no-one does.
Sarah Of course they do. Someone must. Doesn’t anyone ever visit us here? When are the visiting hours?
Felicity We’re not in a hospital
Jeffery You should be though (to Dean)
Dean Oh shut up.
Felicity Where do you think we are? Do you have some idea? (to Dean)
Dean I don’t know where we are or why. But I know we are here. And Ive tried to stay sane. That’s why I made the phone ring.
Jeffrey That makes you more insane, not less
Felicity Well you really are a great example to follow. (to Dean) Please carry on.
Dean Everyone is here for different lengths of time and they all have their way of dealing with it. Some count. I collect things. I figure once the things I collect amount to a story then I will leave here.
Each item I collect is a missing piece of the puzzle. Like those hairs on the floor. They’re part the puzzle aren't they?
Or memories. Here, the discarded and forgotten become the constellations of a new universe.
(DEAN PSYCHODRAMA: Dean, friend (Mary-Jane) and father (Jeffery) – voices in head)
J: Are you hearing what I'm saying?
D: Didn't you tell me to try really hard, to be the best? You made it sound important. (cheerfully)
J: It is important. Your head is in the clouds. Get back! You've got a family! You've got a career! You've got a job and a boss!
D: I'm shit. (still cheerful)
J: You're shit.
D: I'm compressed shit. I'm what people walk on all day. I'm what covers sidewalks. I am the sidewalk.
J: You're boring, you know that? You're broken. You've run out of oil.
D: Fuck you, I'm fine!
M: No you aren't. You're going to die, and there's nothing you can do about it.
J: Bang!
M: Just like that, you're lost.
J: And all those people with open mouths, waiting for you.
D: I am going to die.
J: Beep! Beep! Beep! There is a fire in the building, proceed to the nearest exit.
D: I'm not going to die.
M: You can't die because you're already dead.
J: Oh no, you're alive. Alive and well. They're dead. They're all dead. Your mother and brothers are dead you reckless bastard! How do expect to make up for that? You've got to live four times the life! And what are you? Shit.
D: I'm shit. Dead shit.
M: Delicious. Wake up Dean. What happened to you? We spent our days getting high, eating ice cream and watching cars go by until their lights were the brightest thing. Now you just work. Your infamous robot dance is you 24/7.
D: I just want to be...reliable.
J: You're a failure.
M: Come with me to happyland again. The big pie in the sky. Mmmmm burgers.
D: I just want to be...solid. Sure. I imagine a place where I wouldn't have to be...I guess that would be heaven, or whatever. But if I'm dead shouldn't I already be there?
M and J: Snap out of it!
D: I'm lost. and dead. lost. dead. shit. I'm breaking out.
M: I don't see you moving.
D: I am
M: Move!
D: Move!
(out of psychodrama)
(Dean to Felicity):
Im not going to forget anything when I leave this place.
He asked me how long I thought I would last. How long have I been here?
(silence)
Long enough to know I can leave.
(Dean exits)
JACK and Mike try the door immediately after he leaves. It is locked.
JACK I can't believe that he just up and left without hardly saying goodbye.
There is something invigorating about him just LEAVING; leaving us, leaving everything. trust. intact. a mess. organized.
Did you even notice which way he went? I don't think that we could even follow if we knew the way.
I hate goodbyes anyway
Jeffery I didn't see anyone leave. What the fuck are you talking about?
No one ever leaves.
Mike (to JACK) That guy did just leave
JACK Yes he did. People do seem to come and go here. How long has he been here?
M I come and go
Mike Have you been here before?
M Im always trying to get out of here and then I do
Mike How do you go? How long are you here for each time?
M Depends on the number of doors (moves out of one of the doors to the inside)
Mike (to Jack) How long have you been here?
JACK I don’t remember you coming.
Mike We must have come at the same time (to Jeffery) How long have you been here?
JACK Yeah. How long?
Silence
Mike How long? We’re asking everyone. Please tell us.
Jeffery Can you hear me? Can you hear ME? Don't come back. Don't think about returning. Don't you dare tell anyone else about us.
Silence
Mike What is that saying: "They can't hear anything for the silence?" Or is it "but the silence?"
What a useless waste of time.
Sarah I can't hear the background over the din. Someone said that a minute ago didn't they?
M (re-enters the room) Does anyone want a cup of coffee? I found some in one of the rooms. Some milk. Seemed fresh. That means someone put it there.
JACK I’ll have some. (takes the coffee) I quite like it here.
Jeffery LOOK around you... What do you see?
I see only emptiness.
Sarah (to Mike)
Once upon a time, there was a very blue planet. This planet had other sister and brother planets that liked to revolve around it. And as one year passed on the blue planet, several hundred years passed on its brothers' and sisters' surfaces.
Mike How do you know that story?
Sarah You just told it
Mike Oh. I did…Wait – The Blue Planet was their rock. The force that kept their family of planets
together. The other planets took the Blue Pllanet for granted, never
realizing how much strength it took for him to keep the others grounded.
More and more the Blue Planet began to feel drained, tired, unloved. It
started to turn darker until it was completely black. The other planets
could no longer see their brother and without him they drifted, spinning out
of control into the void of space. The Blue Planet began to realize how much
his brother and sisters needed and depended upon him. He had to save them.
So with all his might, he grew brighter and hotter and bigger and stronger
pulling all of his siblings out of the void. And he did. Every one of them.
They they never took him for granted again. The end.
Sarah I cannot fall asleep. I cannot dream.
I dream of being separate, of being part of everything. there is nothing like a mischievious dream that fades away as the sunshine washes into your head.
I dream of being asleep while I am awake and awake while I am dreaming.
Mike I fall asleep when I'm awake, though. I did that today.
Do people really come and go? Inside and outside?
There was a wall…a garden wall. Outside. Wet moss and leaves….. cedar bark?
Sarah Cedar bark…I want dreams of magical places, I want out of body dreams, timeless dreams.
The dreams I’m having now remind me. I don’t want to remember.
Mike I think we are being toyed with. How can we tell we are all here for the same reason? (to Felicity). How do you know so much? You seem to know what to do. But if you do, why are you here?
Felicity Good question. You are here because you cant see the reason for being here and I am here because I can.
JACK Oh God does no-one speak straight around here? When I blink an eternity passes. Should I not blink?
M Hickory Dickory Dock. The mouse ran up the clock.
...a ten minute bus ride and a five minute walk...
...a five minute walk and a ten minute bus ride...
...a fifteen minute walk...
...a fifteen minute bus ride...
...about 4 minutes to hail a cab, 9 minutes there, 2 minutes to pay...
that's all it would take to escape...
JACK Riddles? Is this what we're supposed to revert to because we can't find explanations?
Just tell me I'm not the only one that feels like this?
(Jack exits into interior)
FELICITY Remind me of that story you were telling?
Jeffery Shut up
Mike Who are you talking to? Which story?
FELICITY I only heard the first part of your story. I want you to tell me the end before you forget. Continue.
Mike What story?
I dreamed... blackness.
This is silly. Blackness? What a dream.
Sarah Everything is black
Felicity Not everything is black.
M No. People wear different coloured coats.
Sarah I love blackness. It covers up the whole face of the world and shuts you in, holds you, and lulls you to sleep.
Entrapment. You feel that right in your chest, the tightness.
I cannot sleep because my dreams destroy me. They force me to remember.
Felicity You are trapped in a dream. What happens when dreams blur with consciousness? Don’t stay trapped. There is a way out. What can you see? Dreams are stories.
Sarah I love stories. Please tell us a pretty bedtime story. Tell us a story about fragrant wild roses after rain.
FELICITY Yes please do (to Mike). Something about a blue planet?
Mike Oh allright.Once upon a time. There was a very blue planet……Then there was blackness… But before that there were trees…..
Sarah You used to put your head on my shoulder. I would be reading. Pretending it was nothing. I loved having you nested in the crook of my shoulder. And now that you are gone. I can’t cast away this image that I have of you without losing something of myself.
Mike That’s lovely. He’s a lucky guy.
(pause)
I’m not comfortable anymore. I never was. I want to get out. There’s something wrong about being here.
Sarah No, it’s nice.
Felicity Can you remember anything else? Before the blue planet?
Sarah He cant remember. He doesn’t want to remember and nor do I.
Mike Do I know you?
Sarah It seems not
Mike I don’t remember.
Felcity Never apologize for forgetting. It’s not your fault that you can’t remember.
Sarah I wish I could forget. I want to twist my body inside out and become completely new. No connections, no attachments, to anything, anyplace or anyone.
FELICITY Why do you want to forget? Have you done things you regret? Regret is a gift, don’t give it away.
Sarah No one just forgets for no reason. There has to be a reason.
I stood with my back against the wall. His breath choking me. Words secreted. I can’t get away. Fuck off, I say. He moves closer. I smell the sweet stench of his sweat. I want to extinguish it. A single bead of his sweat falls on me and I start crying. His laughter fills my ears. I say it again. His whole presence invades me. For a second I lose my grasp.
He never came home that day. I would imagine seeing him. Leaping into his arms. But afraid. Afraid that he wouldn’t want me to touch him. That his arms would be limp in mine. That I repulsed him. Better to forget. He wouldn’t want me now, anyway.
Jeffery Oooooh ooohh that’s good - Ha ha ha.
FELICITY Stop it.
Jeffery (to Felicity) Don’t tell me to stop. Who do you think you are? (to Sarah) So you think your bloke wont touch you now? I see your point. You probably led the other guy on.
(Felicity tries to stop Jeffrey who lunges at her and pulls her to the ground
The others haul him off.)
Felicity (recovers and embraces Sarah. Jeffrey moves away)
Sarah Too many questions. I want to forget, and I want to start again.
He left me six weeks ago. Well its used to be six weeks ago. Now I don’t know anymore.
I stayed inside, devastated, alone. Every move I made reminded me of him.
I stopped answering the phone, didn't open the blinds. I laid in bed holding on to the smell of him. It was still in the sheets. I didn't check my mail during that time; the letters and bills piled under the door. I suppose I could have, would have stayed that way, if my sister didn't threaten to come and break the door down. When I emerged, there was a letter. Many letters. But yes, a letter.
Who was it from? I should have opened it earlier. I didn’t dare reach for it.
Do you know how it feels to be tied down? To be locked in; heart, body and soul?
FELICITY In the end everyone is free. Darkness and silence bring the ability to hear time move. To see yourself. Only those who know themselves can move on.
Jeffrey (to M) Who is she trying to impress, spouting off like that. Everyone is trying to ignore her, can’t you tell? Jesus, some people are so full of themselves.
M Stop it!. Face your fears in your fucking subconscious. Face them here.
Jeffery Face what? Christ. Everyone’s just begging, like driveling dimwits, “Hear me, hear me, talk to me, I’m scared, I’m lonely, I want to talk to someone.” Everyone in here is so full of themselves that they can’t hear anything else. Shut up everyone!
Felicity She;s right. It is important to face your fears. You just have to know what they are.
Jack (re-enters during last speech) . This place is huge. Why do we choose this room to be in? I cant find the way out. I got lost. Would rather be with people. Im sick of it. What are we supposed to do?
Felicity First you have to imagine. The worst and then much more. The loss so unspeakable I cant describe it further. Then, take what you fear losing about yourself and tear it to shreds. Let it go. When it comes back to you it has changed, morphed into something beautiful but if you never let it go and keep it in its cocoon. no beauty will come of it.
M
There was a crow, or a picture of one. The last time I dreamed...which was a month or a day ago...can't tell in the dark well I was here, but...no...I was on my way somewhere, but, it was LIKE here. Nowhere, like here, only it was open, not closed. Not all black but all light, so light all white, and just...bright you had to squeeze your eyes just to see more white - it is weird having a dream with your eyes closed about your eyes straining wide open ...so weird...I was walking, and someone was behind me, they were supposed to be leading the way but they were just too slow. I tried to wait but the slower I went, the slower they went, but we had to keep moving, right? So I led as best I could, I kept asking for guidence as I pushed forward, but I couldn't speak the language - I couldn't pick words, or they could understand. It began to grow darker and I grew afraid. I descided that I liked the light better then the dark, so I turned back, but it didn't change. But the light was gone, and I missed it. In the dark I was afraid to move, in the light I was searching.
It was then that I noticed my guide was gone. I felt guilty almost, never noticing, not caring. he must have been as lonely, searching, like me. So I sat down...and cried. When all my tears were gone, and the blackness complete...I began painting pictures in my head and slowly I began to feel my guide was back, but curious and offended. He didn't like me anymore but he liked my pictures. I drew everything I could picutre. But I was never happy with my paintings, but then I painted a final picture for him...of the light I remembered.
It was a crow, dancing...My guide, My silent spectator, had given something to me. A crow...(laugh) a fucking dancing crow...back and forth...left to right...like that fucking hamster...only left right left right… And I just suddenly felt the urge to dance. I danced into a frenzy...and the light came on...and I began to run with excitement. and my guide was leading from behind again. Only in the light the dark isn't so scary. It is kind of comforting.
Felicity A dancing crow. Where I've heard it, a crow means death.
Jack How does this help us?
Felicity I don’t know but it might help her.
Mike I think the Blue planet is in the Zoo.
Sarah What did you say?
Felicity Why is the Blue planet in the zoo?
Mike I don’t know. I just remember birds and animals had something to do with the blue planet story. Children. I think it was a planetarium. Yes that’s what it was. The Blue planet is in the planetarium.
Felicity Next to the zoo!
M My cousin likes hamsters. He had a pair, and they rapidly multiplied into 10, 30,...
But he was bad at caring for them... He over-cared, if there's such a word. After he bathed them, he was worried that they would catch a cold.
He used a hairdryer to dry them.
He had 7 left after awhile.
Jeffery Squawk Squawk...You crows in the blackness. The crowing of Liars! What? Are you all going to crow some more imaginings now. HA! And to think, nothing better to do then blab about nothing..
Silence
M Why do you have to be so angry all the time? Talk to me
Jeffery Why? Youre just crazy. A fucked up, washed up user
Silence
(M cries. Jeffery moves away abruptly)
FELICITY (to Jeffery) Why don’t you apologise?
Jeffery Why don’t you stop trying to talk to me?
FELICITY Fine. Someone tell another story. We have to move on from this.
Blackout
JACK Alright. I will. Here goes. I was just driving by and heard the shots. I could see two men with guns and a whole group of people scattering. And. I. Don't know why. But. I stopped and got out.
Jeffery Are you stupid? Most normal people aren't drawn to gunfire.
JACK You weren't there. There was desperation in those shots. A far cry from humanity. A plea.
Jeffery It's all in your head.
JACK Am I telling this story or are you?
Someone was bargaining with the killers. (pause) Fourteen shots. Seven dead.
Jeffery And it is such a tragedy because/
FELICITY Because they were human beings. With potential.
Jeffery Potential for what?
JACK- Anything.
JACK- No one deserved to die like that.
Jeffery- Not even ruthless criminals? Why?
You clearly haven't thought this through/
JACK- well then why don't you say/
Jeffery- They have equal potential at every point for good and evil. Why is one greater than the other?
JACK- Because they were taken without having the opportunity to decide.
Jeffery- And of course the papers and their friends will say that they were on the honour roll, and that they volunteered at
the local food drive, etc, etc. (pause) Such a tragedy. Why is it that their deaths inflate what they did and mask their
ugliness?
FELICITY Why don’t you let him finish?
Jeffery- Why don’t you stay out of it?
If I died I would hate to be remembered as a sweet and caring soul whose love extended, bla bla bla.
M Ha ha ha
Jeffery- Why do we have to make things more than what they are? So that we can blubber and carry on? Nothing more than this.
JACK- Yeah, well, I think we do it to make the world make a little more sense. Who gives a fuck if we are lying to ourselves?
(Silence)
A little lie can make the truth so much more bearable.
(pause)
Jeffery- I would like to think that I would leave them there to be killed. Not the other way around 'cause you know why?
JACK- Why?
Jeffery- Because fuck them, thats why.
Felicity: Why can’t you just let him tell his story? All you can do is leak poison all over them. I’m sick of it. I’m tired of you. Can you tell me what is wrong with you?
Jeffery: Why can’t you just stay the hell out of everyone’s business?
Felicity: Can you answer me? Can you tell me what is wrong with you?
Jeffery: What is wrong with you? If you are so fucking knowledgable why don’t you help yourself and get the fuck out of here?
Felicity: I don’t need to be here. I’m surprised at how little you know after so long.. I’m surprised by how little you can change... Are you the smallest person here?
Jeffery: (non vocal cue of dismissal)
Felicity: (finally loses her temper and becomes vicious): I will leave you here.
(Jeffery storms off)
Silence
Felicity Sorry. Please continue.
JACK Every time you turn on the TV and watch someone die in your favourite movie what do you do? Do you tell the person next to you in the film house to call the police?
Everything is being held in such a fine, fragile balance. It takes only a second for things to change. Those moments come more often now.
I don't seek them out anymore. They find me.
FELICITY The way you told us the story it, it was as if it had really happened. Not on TV
Next time, you should be clearer about what you're talking about and stop misleading people.
JACK The only person I misled was you. Can't I make up anything that I want? When dreams blur with consciousness, what have you then?
Mike That was a terrible thing to make up. You haven’t lived it. Inhuman. Sick.
JACK And you are just so full of action. What have you been able to accomplish? Nothing. I least I have been looking for something. A way out perhaps.
Maybe thats all you are, all talk and no action. Is that what you are?
Felicity Why did you need to make up a story. To pretend something horrific like that?
Jeffery I remember the days where we would string people up by the wrists, and hang them in the dungeons all week, whipping them with hooked strips of leather. Those were glorious days.
You, see, understand him. Its fun.
Sarah You are sick
Jack Im not like you. Don’t think I did it for the same reasons you would
Felicity Why then? Why not tell a real story?
Jack No-one would be interested. Nothing happened in my life.
Felicity Sometimes telling stories is no more than remembering the tune you wake with - that you know you've been singing in your sleep?
Mike Have I been singing?
JACK I used to count time by singing songs. Of course, I have no way of knowing how long the songs I am humming in my head are, but when I thought I was alone here, it helped me to keep going. Singing into my head - although sometimes I know I was singing out into the darkness. I used to imagine people were here but silent because they were listening...
Jeffery There is no one here except me. You are all figments of my imagination.
Silence
Mike Excuse me, you're... you're...you're such a tyrant. Im going to sleep.
Jeffery Hahaha, there's no need to go to sleep. You're already asleep. Half your mind is asleep. You don't know anything. You don't remember anything.
Mike It's not as if I have a choice. I'm trying to remember. You can't bear it if anyone makes more sense than you do.
JACK There is always a choice or are you going to tell me that I was fated to be here?
M The sense we make of anything is a construction. Patterns in nature are only patterns because we see them as such; if you think someone is making more sense than another its because you identify with them and not the other.
Sense is a sensibility that makes no sense. If you can make sense of this it's because you have forgotten to use your senses. What sense can come of no sense?
Nonsense
One thousand and one. one thousand and two. one thousand and three. one thousand and five. one thousand sixteen. one thousand one hundred. one thousand two hundred. one thousand one hundred forty. one thousand seven hundred fifty. two thousand and one. two thousand and two. two thousand four hundred and seven. three thousand. and one.
Jeffrey Ok, you can stop that now because its very annoying
M
There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who kept all his marbles in a bucket,
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man,
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.
Mike I've heard that somewhere before...
Jeffery It is a limerick you blumbering fool. They are instantly identifiable. Perfectly planned pentad anapestic poetry, as my teacher used to say. Da da da-da-da (hums out a lymric)
JACK It was a bad limerick. Who kept all his marbles in a bucket...there is one too many. And on the second one. Ignorance
Mike I'm not supposed to be here.
There's so many better things to do with my time. Why should I be here? I should get out soon. I'm going to get out soon.
Everyone around here seems to revel in the comfortable quiet. Comfortable darkness. And here I am struggling with a reality that is unbearable. My life is like a word that is always on the tip of your tongue. It has a shape and sound in my mind but when it trys to emerge. Silence.
Sarah Somehow I forget his name. I swore I would never forget it. Not after what happened.
Mike The darkness was strange, for me, right from the start.
I'm not comfortable anymore. I want to get out of here. There's something wrong about being here.
FELICITY Look. Instead of something you saw on the television, instead of trying to impress, why don’t you tell us something real. Something true
JACK- Who cares? Nothing is true.
(pause)
FELICITY-. Right. Who does? But you want to get out of here. You want to know about where we are. You want to know that truth.
JACK Of course
FELICITY Well, listen then. I’ll give you a clue. This place functions at full capacity when everyone arrives at a sort of break with traditional time
JACK- Ok. I can see that.
FELICITY – What else do you know about this place?
JACK Well not just everyone can come here, like any public place. To get in you must have a sort of permission or it’s a punishment. Dunno what it is. And I don’t know how you get out.
FELICITY What sort of permission do you need? What are you being punished for?
JACK- I don’t know. It just feels that way.
What use is all this?
FELICITY- There are laws of nature, knowable to us/
JACK- Laws, bla-bla-bla. Why don’t you talk straight? Why should I listen to you?
FELICITY- I am older than you. I have studied these ideas endlessly.
JACK- Whats the point in ideas when it doesn’t get us anywhere. Thinking is just standing still.
FELICITY- What reason do you have not to trust me?
JACK- I don't trust anyone.
FELICITY Why not?
JACK- Lets talk about something else. This is boring.
FELICITY- It's important. Everything you see around you is somehow connected to the understanding that I am trying to teach you. You must learn these things or else be doomed to/
JACK- To what? I was never going to do any good.
(FELICITY moves towards JACK)
JACK- DON'T COME ANY CLOSER. Back off. You think you know what I should learn, and do. You don't know shit.
(silence)
FELICITY- I am only trying to help you.
JACK- How? Why?
FELICITY You have so much potential
JACK Ive heard that before
FELICITY And its true
JACK What are you supposed to do with potential?
(JACK PSYCHODRAMA - JACK’s Mother played by Felicity – depressed, reading a letter to JACK)
The best thing for me to do is leave. You will understand when youre older. You have so much potential and Im the one who is dragging you back. I want to remove myself from you so you have no more excuses. I know you will do great things. No-one else is likely to come close. It will hurt you if I go but I am useless to you. I am obsolete. You must forget me.
(out of psychodrama)
JACK This is utter crap. I wont be what you want. I don’t care what you want. Im going to do what I want.
(JACK exits)
Jeffery Why are you staring at me like that?
Mike Because you know someone else just left and each time it freaks you out because its not you. And you don’t know why or how they leave.
Sarah And you’ve been here for years. Havent you?
M Leave him alone
Mike Why defend him. He’s awful to you.
M He doesn’t mean it – do you? (to Jeffrey). It takes me all the time Im in here to make him listen and then I leave and he stays here.
Felicity Take him with you this time
M Whats wrong with you? Why wont you talk to anyone. It has to be boring.
Jeffrey You never did get it. But youre alright. The only one that ever was. Youre ok now arent you?
M I guess
Jeffrey I mean youre making sense now. You work it all out each time. Why do you come back again?
M God, they all ask that. If I knew I don’t suppose Id be here. If you know what I mean.
Jeffery You really are very funny when youre nuts though. Take some more stuff and come back soon wont you?
M No. Never again. Im not coming back. I don’t want to stop time again. Its like a cemetary. The only point is disappearance and dissolution.
FELICITY That’s not the only point.
M For some of us, its what we want at the time. Time to stop.
Mike I remember when time stopped. I was walking in the park with my love. It was as if... everything slowed down just for us.
But then, I don't remember anything that happened after the car…
(Sarah and Mike PSYCHODRAMA)
Sarah: walking. feeling dirt. sun warmed dirt.
Mike: my turn. wet leaves. soft moss. smell of wet cedar bark.
Sarah. fragrant wild rose after rain
Mike. Stop. no floweryness, literally or figuratively. My turn. More dirt. This time between toes. The feeling on the backs of my eyes as the sun flickers.
Sarah. that's flowery too.
Mike. no it's not. it's exactly like that. That's one of my favourite things in the park domain.
Sarah. well, how about this. your wet lips. [kiss]
Mike. Yeah, that's alright.
Sarah. Alright? How about this?
Mike not bad. What do you think of this?
Sarah. s'alright. Your hair tickles.
Mike:come on, let's get out of here;it's really pouring.
Sarah: I wanna stay. I like the rain. What a perfect moment this is..
Mike: you can't keep it. It was there, now it's gone. Let's go.
Sarah: What do you mean let’s go?
Mike: we’ve had a nice time. It’s been beautiful all day, but now it’s raining, so let’s go.
Sarah: I know it’s been nice. It’s still nice. I’m just asking to stay a bit longer, what difference does it make now? We’re already soaked.
Mike: this difference that it makes is that I’m ready to get out of here.
Sarah: ready to get out of where?
Mike: don’t take it there, you know what I mean.
Sarah: No I don’t know what you mean. Why don’t you explain it to me? you want to leave. What is it you want to leave? What could you possibly need that you don’t have right now?
Mike: I’m not getting into this with you again. I’m tired. I’m wet. I’m cold. I want to go home. C’mon. wet lips? (embraces her against a garden wall in park, tries to kiss)
Sarah: fuck off. (gently)
Mike: (laughs) then how bout just fuck? Another reason to get out of this rain.
[she is not amused, doesn’t want to leave, bit of a struggle]
Sarah: fuck off
Mike: Why not fuck? Why. Do. We. Never. Fuck?
(out of psychodrama)
Mike her. leaving. STOP. the car. the park. Buddy? Glass. the park. black.
blackness. "Sir, can you hear me?" "Sir?" wet. blood. "Sir?" glass. Oh. her.
"You've just been in an accident." where? "Sir?" the car. time. still
raining. sleep. I'm tired. Buddy? soaked. I'm soaked. blue. and black. my
head. I can't hear you. "Sir?" in the park. in the black. on the street.
near the lake. blood in the glass. Stop. Buddy. stop. stop.
(Blackout)
(Reads letter which has been with her all the time)
I want to read you this letter. After weeks of being in that room I found it. But it wasn’t from my love. It was from him.
I hate to be the one to tell you but everything you feared has come true. I have tried calling to no avail and when I went by your place everything was neat and tidy but I couldn't find you. Do you think that I would forget about you and stop looking for you?
He doesn’t remember you, anymore. But I do.
Mike The Blue planet…..
Sarah What are you saying?
Mike I went to the Blue planet in the planetarium. After the park. To make me feel better. To escape. It was raining. Then the car crash. Then blackness….. Its you.
Sarah Yes, its me.
Mike Why didn’t you say so?
Sarah Because you wouldn’t recognise me if I did. Like a stranger. That’s colder than empty.
Mike And because of the guy
Its not your fault
(Mike and Sarah exit)
M Well, they’ve gone. Not many of us left. And no new ones. For a while anyway. Sometimes its easy to figure out who is toying with you and sometimes not.
Anything can happen in here. Its always different.
Did the cat come back and get your tongue. Foolish to think that your idle utterings could silence people in the dark.
Although I must say it has been rather quiet in here lately.
Who wants attention the child that is silent or the child that yells at the others, calls them morons, and puts their nose where it doesn't belong?
If only you knew what I dream about. That would shut you up. By the way, wipe the sweat off your brow, and for god sake cover your arms around here. We don't want anyone mistaking you for a raving loon.
Jeffery I just want to sit quietly. Will you just go away?
M You just don't see it, do you? You think that the answer lies somewhere, that it has a visible and tangible form that you can see or lay your hands on. And you think that the answer will "show" you the way. Grow up. You are here and the way is what you are going to have to work out yourself. Action. Not sitting around, waiting for the solution to fall from the sky.
The perfect solution for everything hangs out there in the distance, one huge glistening ice sculpture that people can’t see.
It is easy. I am adaptable. I go with the flow. I react according to what the situation demands. I am not tied down. I am alone though. I locked myself out of my room today. Can't believe I still do things like that.
Couldn't find my keys. Silly. Found them though. Last place I looked. I also found the key if you want out.
Sorry for making you wait.
Jeffery What is this key supposed to do? Do you really think that this key will be the solution to your ridiculous and useless existence? Why do you keep coming back? If I left this place Id never return.
M I like you, you idiot. Why don’t you come with me this time?
(Jeffery tries to follow but cant pass through the door)
FELICITY You have to know what to unlock. You tell me that and youre on your way.There’s nothing on the other side of that door for you but more of the same.
Silence
Jeffery Youre fucking cheerful. Ha ha! No hope for me then.
FELICITY It is your choice
Jeffery We don’t get to choose anything. Its all set out before us. And always will be.
(JEFFERY PSYCHODRAMA - Jeffery’s aunt is played by Felicity and Jeffery’s father by Jeffery himself)
Aunt Whats wrong with him? Sitting there not speaking for hours. I think you should talk to him.
Father Why? What good does it do? He’s weak. He will always be weak. Something wrong with him. I did think once that he might have some potential. But not anymore. I gave up hope long ago.
Aunt Well he’s your responsibility. When Joan was dying I told her Id make sure you could cope. But I never offered to take him.
Father This is the 5th time this week he’s been beaten up. Kids are like animals. It’s survival of the fittest. And what is he fit for?
Aunt Listen, he’s your son.
Father Always Joans more than mine.
Aunt Joan pampered him too much as a baby. Is he still wetting himself? Joan told me he was always doing that.
Father Oh for Christ’s sake. Please don’t tell me anymore. I have to just pretend he’s not my son. It’s the only way to bear it.
(Back to Office scene)
FELICITY Without dreams. Without hope. Without a faint glimmer of anything but what is right in front of you. I wish I could change something for you. But I cant.
Jeffery You fool.
Fuck you
You have no clue
No clue atall. Not really surprising. What the fuck do you expect? You sniveling little children, wondering around with your SMALL problems. Try being told you aren’t quite there, again and again. Like you are an alien. Like everyone else knows the scheme, the plot, the rules but not you. You are left slithering around in the mud wondering what happened when the latest person just kicked you in the stomach.
Now I know what to do.
You have no fucking clue.
You should have noticed what was happening here long ago. Everyone begging, ‘ hear me hear me, talk to me, Im scared, Im lonely, I want to talk to someone’. Don’t make me the same as them. That wasn’t the point.
FELICITY Who are you talking to? There’s no one left to bully.
(FELICITY moves to front of stage and sits)
The first time I left, felt like heaven. But I went back when I could. To help, you see. To help them leave.
In the end, I lost my patience and left him there. I had tried so hard to help him. I did my best to befriend him and help him come back, but he never truly changed. Leaving him was the first and only time I remember acting out of vengeance towards somebody.
I may go back one day. I haven't been able to find the time recently.
I might go back; to see what has happened; to see if my poor friend is still trapped.
Heterotopia
Dean Works in the office. Doesn’t want to move on, is escaping something
Jeffery A bully. Stuck in his ways. Cant go anywhere because he’s moving in circles – bullied becomes the bully
Sarah Young woman. Depressed, has lost her love
Jack Teenager – represents uncertain potential – could go either way – end up as Jeffery or as Felicity
Mike Kind. Lost. Has lost memory. Could be Sarah’s lost partner
Mary-Jane Lively, frustrated. Little manic, probably a drug addict
Felicity Is wise but not perfect. Is the only one who knows whats going on
SPOILER WARNING: This is, obviously, the script of the play. If you are going to see the play, it is recommended that you wait to read the script until at least afterwards.
Heterotopia
A One act play
A framed room which could be an office. Several chairs and tables scattered randomnly.
FELICITY (sits front of stage and speaks to the audience)
You must understand that anyone in my place would have done the same thing.
When my closest friend told me I was wasting away, that was the first time I had been told I was doing something wrong with my life. I was silenced. It rescued me. I went to a place I can only describe in my dreams.
It felt like forever before I found out what was going on in there.
(FELICITY watches the action for a while and then walks into the office scene before her first line)
Dean You probably have to move on with this one. We don’t have the opportunity anymore. The efficiency model is the last resort but we have no choice. Our hands are tied.
Sarah I’m sorry?
Dean Get a move on – we haven’t got all day. I have to clear at least another five rooms
Sarah Why?
JACK What?
Sarah Why clear the rooms? Of what? There’s nothing in them
Jeffery Oh you are really quite stupid aren’t you honey?
Sarah Don’t ‘honey’ me. You don’t know why they want the rooms cleared.
JACK: Can anyone hear me? I’m sure I can hear voices
Jeffery (to Dean) Why don’t you stop pretending you’re having a normal day. It wont do you any good.
Dean You havent had a normal day in your life
Jeffrey Youre not working here. You know that. Leave it alone. It helps no-one. Especially not you.
JACK I can hear you but only in my head
(M enters)
M Damn. Not here again. I hate this place.
Mike Who are you?
Jeffery I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO EXISTS - you are a whisper in the darkness that has been forgotten
Mike What the hell is going on? (pause). This is nuts.
M peanuts? or walnuts? or squirrels?...Funny, I just remembered the taste of walnuts.
I am a squirrel and every year I bury my nuts in the yard and every year I lose them. I am looking for my nuts, have you seen them?
Jeffery Funny. I just remembered the taste of squirrel.
Fuck off
FELICITY Everyone quiet down. I can't hear the background over the din.
M Lets move closer.
Jeffery Whether we move closer or further away is irrelevant.
Mike Why does nothing seem familiar here? I remember that I was just in my car. Fast asleep. I don’t remember anything else.
JACK (whispers to FELICITY) Can I ask you a question?
FELICITY Sure thing
JACK I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing here
(pause)
Do you know?
FELICITY Don’t worry – you’ll get used to it – we’ll work it out together
JACK I don’t actually recognize anything or anyone
FELICITY But you know who you are and that’s a start.
JACK I don’t remember asking for this. I can’t stand it. I can’t feel anything. I’m a puppet.
Jeffery I hold the strings. Fancy that, you didn’t even feel me tugging. Can you feel me now?
Mike I don’t feel you tugging me. I don’t even know who you are. Or who I am for that matter.
(pause)
How do I know you aren’t me?
Jeffery Well I know you aren’t me cos you’re clearly not talking from my mouth.
(pause)
How do I know you aren’t me?
Mike God help me if I am
Jeffery Fuck off
Mike What makes me not you?
Sarah Wet leaves. soft moss. the smell of wet cedar bark.
Mike What?
Sarah Nothing.
Jeffery Let me out of here. You’re all the same. I don’t know who you are and I don’t care who you are. That’s the difference between us.
M Oh leave him alone. What’s your name?
Mike That’s the point. I have no idea.
M Oh I see.
Mike Do you?
Jeffery Oh shut up! You idiot. Does ANYONE SPEAK SENSE AROUND HERE? No obviously not.
FELICITY Stop shouting.
Jeffery Don’t tell me to stop.
Mike I don’t know where we are either, or why. But we are here. We are together somehow. And you’re not helping.
JACK Are we trapped?
Dean Yes you are
JACK starts to move towards the door. Jeffrey moves into his path.
Jeffery Look around you. What do you see? Nothing but emptiness. Everything has been gouged out of here.
Only in your dreams can you escape. And sometimes not even then. (Moves to block the door)
JACK Let me out
Mike Move out of the way
JACK Is it locked?
Dean Yes it is
(FELICITY moves forward to challenge Jeffery)
Mike What the hell is going on?
Jeffery Who do you think you are?
(reluctantly moves away from door under FELICITY’s gaze)
(Mike tries the door calmly – JACK in a panic)
JACK He’s locked it
Jeffery It was already locked, moron
Mike You came in that way – do you have the key?
M The key to what?
Mike The door
M The door… Oh the door!
Mike (to Dean) You say you work here. You must know how she came in.
Dean Coming in is easy. Its leaving that’s the problem
Jeffrey He doesn’t work here. Hes the same as the rest of us.
Sarah Which is what?
Mike Come on, you have to know. I came in that way too. But how to get out?
Dean Yes, that’s it. Teamwork! That's the key. There has never been teamwork before. Those who were smarter have come and gone.
Fixed their problems but didn't help the rest of us before they left....
All I know is that I want to get back to my life. My real life....
not this shit, not this undefinable nothing.
M Understand your fucking irony, people. You can leave this place. Jesus. I am stuck here.
FELICITY You can’t force others to see whatever you choose to see.
M No. I can if they think to listen to me.
FELICITY Some of them think too, when they are want to.
M If only I wasn’t trapped, I could tell them that here they are showing things that are buried in their past because it is safe.
FELICITY I understand. Look….
M I can’t. I am too mad.
FELICITY What you are seeing is your own brain whirling out of control.
M I am trapped here.
FELICITY No one is trapped. People escape from this place.
M But I just want to help them do that. I know how. Jesus. You are hiding pain. Look at how mean the jerk over there is. They are all self-serving. They are so simple… I am confused.
FELICITY You should be. All the mad thoughts going through your head. They are talking nonsense, you are talking confusion.
M Why don’t you explain to them. You can say it as I can’t…
FELICITY No. They have to do it on their own.
You all hold the solution. The mind is a small camera that can capture images and give them a voice. I urge you to take some snapshots and maybe they will stimulate your senses
Dean I am spinning on the inside and I can't find it. I know I left it around here somewhere. Id seen this book in one of the rooms and somehow I knew it held the answer for me. Where the fuck is it?
Jeffery Everything you’ve been doing has been done already. Nothing is new. You are trapped between a history already made and the future that you choose to make.
Dean Tucked in amongst two montrous books was a blue box. The box was a protective envelope to keep this book's pages, cover and fragile spine from becoming lost and broken forever.
(Psychodrama)
M You unfolded each flap of the box carefully until, there it lay. The tattered cover beautifully faded with the same image of random motion, marked by points of convergence, that we had decided was the construct of coincidence.
Dean I was running out of time and I had to place the book back in its case and decide to come back another day.
Jeffery When you went back you had forgotten where amidst the maze that room was. You felt very stupid didn’t you.
M But once you found it you knew that you had to share this little miracle with everyone.
Jeffery That was two days ago. Now there is no sign of it.
Dean I had proof that history is repetition
Jeffery And you let it go.
Dean I hate mysteries. I just want to know where it went. Books don't just damn well disappear.
M Books try to capture the moment so that life can extend into eternity. They are a reminder but like memory they can be misplaced, forgotten, burned, lost.
(Out of psychodrama)
Jeffery By the way. Ive been meaning to tell you. That blue book. That would be the one that I threw away a few days ago.
Dean Really? At least one of you has seen it. It exists. Did you happen to read the title? I don't speak German but maybe you do.
Jeffery Look .I did not say that to make you feel better. I said it to make you feel worse. Moron God eveyone around here is so pathetic. I THREW it AWAY. Get it!!!!!!!! Trash - ripped up - covered in tomato seeds.
Maybe I didnt see it! Ha! maybe I just imagined it! Anything can happen here cant it? Who knows when you saw it or even if you did. perhaps you dreamt it? Wanting attention.
M I hate this. Just sitting here waiting.
JACK How long do you have to wait?
Sarah Are we waiting?
Jeffery I’m not fucking waiting for anything
JACK Waiting for what?
Sarah Are we waiting for things to get worse or better?
M Oh definitely better. I’m not coming back here again. I'd rather die.
JACK Wait! Are we dead?You said you were in the car then you couldn’t remember anything…
Mike I don’t think I died….What does it feel like to be dead?
JACK Its like, you look on your life and for the first time you’re that person.
Mike I’ve removed myself but I don’t know who I am. I don’t think that’s being dead. I don’t feel dead.
FELICITY What do you feel?
Mike Scared and sad
Sarah The dead don’t feel anything
JACK ARGH! Just shut up. You all speak and speak. I can't stand it. I don't remember asking for this. If you can hear me, get me out.
I can't feel anything. I'm a puppet.
Jeffery I hold the strings.
Fancy that, you didn't even feel me tugging.
Can you feel me now?
JACK (ignoring Jeffrey and pursuing Mike) You must know if you are dead or not
Mike Do you? I think that you people are just going crazy. Thinking that we are puppets? Or dead? Dead puppets?
Sarah Tell us about what happened in the car
(Psychodrama) many voices join – Sarah and JACK, more and more extreme
Tell us about the car, the car…..
Mike (becomes more and more distant) I don’t remember….
Sarah He doesn’t remember. (angry) Why don’t you remember?
FELICITY I think we should get back to our minds images. That was helping us. (to Mike) Do you have a story to tell? Any story – doesn’t have to be about cars.
Mike Did I miss a story? A bedtime story? What's it about?
Oh, all right, I'll tell a story.
Once upon a time, there was a very blue planet. This planet had other sister and brother planets that liked to revolve around it. And as one year passed on the blue planet, several hundred years passed on its brothers' and sisters' surfaces.
And what else was there in the story? ... Oh yes.
The end.
Jeffery nice story..
Let me tell you a little story about Copernicus. He discovered that our Universe is not geocentred (blue-planet centred) but is in fact heliocentered.
Translation: "brother and sister" planets don't revolve around blue planet they all revolve around the sun. Everything revolves around the sun. Idiot.
Please tell stories that are relevant and try to remember what happens at the end.
FELICITY Who has other memories? What about this place? Who has been here the longest?
Dean He has. (to Jeffrey) He was always here. (Jeffrey storms off)
Dean There isn't much to say for the people that stay here. They are here for only a few nights, sometimes more, sometimes less but they always leave. I can rarely tell who stayed in which room, I guess it doesn't matter, after a while they all look the same. I always get the sense that what they leave behind is important ; you know like when You are travelling and you forget a piece of clothing or an earing or the telephone number of the person you were supposed to call.
These little fragments I filter and sometimes, just sometimes, I keep them.
These little items are what breaks the monotony of my days.
JACK How do you know they’re not coming back? What makes you so sure?
M The cat came back though we thought he was a gonna
Dean Well, Ive never seen anyone except her come back
Sarah I remember the first time I was able to open my eyes in here. How many days has it been now for you? I always thought you'd be among the first to go
Days? Weeks? Months? Who can tell in here?
I've started pulling my hairs out and leaving them on the floor for every time someone comes and goes...
... Nearly 2,000 hairs as I count them. That's a feat, isn't it? Heh, eventually it'll take me so long to count them that I'll need to pull another hair out before I finish counting. Wouldn't that be great!? Counting such a large number of days that it takes days to do it!
It's funny, though. I have no sense of time anymore..... it's all just another day.
M I have been here before so I know what we are supposed to do. Its ok, we have to work together and sort our problems out. Ok, I think its time to begin, everyone sit in a circle. (Tries to get everyone to sit down).
Dean We don’t have time for this right now
FELICITY What else do you have to do?
(Dean glares at her but does not react)
Jeffery Im not going to join in
M Do you want to tell us why you don’t want to sit in a circle?
Mike Come on lets just do it
JACK I don’t know….
M How does that make you feel (to Mike)?
Mike Im freaked out
M How do you feel (Dean)?
Dean I don't know about you but I work here. Any job will seem like it keeps you against your will but at least I have a purpose. I have plans though. I am not going to work here forever.
I am here a lot but I don't see much of any of you. But you are here.
I would love a cup of coffee.
Jeffrey You don’t work here. How many times do I have to tell you.
M I told you to sit down. We go through this every time.
JACK You two know each other?
M Of course we do. (Jeffrey sits)
(to Dean) How about you? How are you feeling?
Dean I have a girlfriend. I call her every night. I don't know why sometimes but I know that I have to. If I don't hear her voice she is lost. Somehow the way that she forms the words, wraps her tongue around tricky syllables assuages my guilt. Sometimes I think the phone calls are too regular. Too much the same.
I phone every day because I must try and mend what I have sown. For me each ring is a reminder.
Jeffery You phone everyday? God, don't you have anything better to do?
What morons some people can be
Mike Shut up, you jerk.
M Can we stay away from judgements please?
Mike You phone everyday? That's so sweet... I've been waiting for someone to call. I've been waiting for forever.
If they don't call, is it because I'm the big mistake?
(long pause)
Jeffrey Theres no way anoyone can call you here. He doesn’t call anyone every day. You are just off your head.
Felicity Stop it now. That doesn’t help.
M Quite right. Thank you.
Sarah I wish somebody would call me.
He used to call, everyday. He'd be so happy just to hear my voice.
"I just called to say I love you"
What is the point in that?
If you love me, then you love me. And I know that you love me. Why call to reassure it? to validate it? Just incase I forgot? Just in case you forget?
You love me.
Then you leave me.
It must not have ever been love at all. I think we were both too afraid of it to actually get it.
But then...why does it hurt so bad? That loss, him not around. It's like a part of me is missing.
That must be love.
(phone rings)
Jeffery I’m getting it
(M is angry that Jeffery gets the phone)
(on the phone) yes. No. No you cant just come here. That pretty fucking obvious isn't it. Where are you? You cant just call here. No Dean is not here. Go away.
Sarah (takes receiver from Jeffrey’s hand and listens)
No one there
(Puts phone down. She walks away. Phone rings again, Jeffrey picks it up )
Jeffrey What.
No he’s not here I told you already.
Dean Stop answering my fucking phone calls
Jeffery Moron.
Sarah Why do you do that? Who was it? Can we get calls here?
Jeffery (to Dean) Well, can we?
M Private calls are not allowed.
Jeffery No, we can’t. He’s fixed the system so it looks like someone cares. But no-one does.
Sarah Of course they do. Someone must. Doesn’t anyone ever visit us here? When are the visiting hours?
Felicity We’re not in a hospital
Jeffery You should be though (to Dean)
Dean Oh shut up.
Felicity Where do you think we are? Do you have some idea? (to Dean)
Dean I don’t know where we are or why. But I know we are here. And Ive tried to stay sane. That’s why I made the phone ring.
Jeffrey That makes you more insane, not less
Felicity Well you really are a great example to follow. (to Dean) Please carry on.
Dean Everyone is here for different lengths of time and they all have their way of dealing with it. Some count. I collect things. I figure once the things I collect amount to a story then I will leave here.
Each item I collect is a missing piece of the puzzle. Like those hairs on the floor. They’re part the puzzle aren't they?
Or memories. Here, the discarded and forgotten become the constellations of a new universe.
(DEAN PSYCHODRAMA: Dean, friend (Mary-Jane) and father (Jeffery) – voices in head)
J: Are you hearing what I'm saying?
D: Didn't you tell me to try really hard, to be the best? You made it sound important. (cheerfully)
J: It is important. Your head is in the clouds. Get back! You've got a family! You've got a career! You've got a job and a boss!
D: I'm shit. (still cheerful)
J: You're shit.
D: I'm compressed shit. I'm what people walk on all day. I'm what covers sidewalks. I am the sidewalk.
J: You're boring, you know that? You're broken. You've run out of oil.
D: Fuck you, I'm fine!
M: No you aren't. You're going to die, and there's nothing you can do about it.
J: Bang!
M: Just like that, you're lost.
J: And all those people with open mouths, waiting for you.
D: I am going to die.
J: Beep! Beep! Beep! There is a fire in the building, proceed to the nearest exit.
D: I'm not going to die.
M: You can't die because you're already dead.
J: Oh no, you're alive. Alive and well. They're dead. They're all dead. Your mother and brothers are dead you reckless bastard! How do expect to make up for that? You've got to live four times the life! And what are you? Shit.
D: I'm shit. Dead shit.
M: Delicious. Wake up Dean. What happened to you? We spent our days getting high, eating ice cream and watching cars go by until their lights were the brightest thing. Now you just work. Your infamous robot dance is you 24/7.
D: I just want to be...reliable.
J: You're a failure.
M: Come with me to happyland again. The big pie in the sky. Mmmmm burgers.
D: I just want to be...solid. Sure. I imagine a place where I wouldn't have to be...I guess that would be heaven, or whatever. But if I'm dead shouldn't I already be there?
M and J: Snap out of it!
D: I'm lost. and dead. lost. dead. shit. I'm breaking out.
M: I don't see you moving.
D: I am
M: Move!
D: Move!
(out of psychodrama)
(Dean to Felicity):
Im not going to forget anything when I leave this place.
He asked me how long I thought I would last. How long have I been here?
(silence)
Long enough to know I can leave.
(Dean exits)
JACK and Mike try the door immediately after he leaves. It is locked.
JACK I can't believe that he just up and left without hardly saying goodbye.
There is something invigorating about him just LEAVING; leaving us, leaving everything. trust. intact. a mess. organized.
Did you even notice which way he went? I don't think that we could even follow if we knew the way.
I hate goodbyes anyway
Jeffery I didn't see anyone leave. What the fuck are you talking about?
No one ever leaves.
Mike (to JACK) That guy did just leave
JACK Yes he did. People do seem to come and go here. How long has he been here?
M I come and go
Mike Have you been here before?
M Im always trying to get out of here and then I do
Mike How do you go? How long are you here for each time?
M Depends on the number of doors (moves out of one of the doors to the inside)
Mike (to Jack) How long have you been here?
JACK I don’t remember you coming.
Mike We must have come at the same time (to Jeffery) How long have you been here?
JACK Yeah. How long?
Silence
Mike How long? We’re asking everyone. Please tell us.
Jeffery Can you hear me? Can you hear ME? Don't come back. Don't think about returning. Don't you dare tell anyone else about us.
Silence
Mike What is that saying: "They can't hear anything for the silence?" Or is it "but the silence?"
What a useless waste of time.
Sarah I can't hear the background over the din. Someone said that a minute ago didn't they?
M (re-enters the room) Does anyone want a cup of coffee? I found some in one of the rooms. Some milk. Seemed fresh. That means someone put it there.
JACK I’ll have some. (takes the coffee) I quite like it here.
Jeffery LOOK around you... What do you see?
I see only emptiness.
Sarah (to Mike)
Once upon a time, there was a very blue planet. This planet had other sister and brother planets that liked to revolve around it. And as one year passed on the blue planet, several hundred years passed on its brothers' and sisters' surfaces.
Mike How do you know that story?
Sarah You just told it
Mike Oh. I did…Wait – The Blue Planet was their rock. The force that kept their family of planets
together. The other planets took the Blue Pllanet for granted, never
realizing how much strength it took for him to keep the others grounded.
More and more the Blue Planet began to feel drained, tired, unloved. It
started to turn darker until it was completely black. The other planets
could no longer see their brother and without him they drifted, spinning out
of control into the void of space. The Blue Planet began to realize how much
his brother and sisters needed and depended upon him. He had to save them.
So with all his might, he grew brighter and hotter and bigger and stronger
pulling all of his siblings out of the void. And he did. Every one of them.
They they never took him for granted again. The end.
Sarah I cannot fall asleep. I cannot dream.
I dream of being separate, of being part of everything. there is nothing like a mischievious dream that fades away as the sunshine washes into your head.
I dream of being asleep while I am awake and awake while I am dreaming.
Mike I fall asleep when I'm awake, though. I did that today.
Do people really come and go? Inside and outside?
There was a wall…a garden wall. Outside. Wet moss and leaves….. cedar bark?
Sarah Cedar bark…I want dreams of magical places, I want out of body dreams, timeless dreams.
The dreams I’m having now remind me. I don’t want to remember.
Mike I think we are being toyed with. How can we tell we are all here for the same reason? (to Felicity). How do you know so much? You seem to know what to do. But if you do, why are you here?
Felicity Good question. You are here because you cant see the reason for being here and I am here because I can.
JACK Oh God does no-one speak straight around here? When I blink an eternity passes. Should I not blink?
M Hickory Dickory Dock. The mouse ran up the clock.
...a ten minute bus ride and a five minute walk...
...a five minute walk and a ten minute bus ride...
...a fifteen minute walk...
...a fifteen minute bus ride...
...about 4 minutes to hail a cab, 9 minutes there, 2 minutes to pay...
that's all it would take to escape...
JACK Riddles? Is this what we're supposed to revert to because we can't find explanations?
Just tell me I'm not the only one that feels like this?
(Jack exits into interior)
FELICITY Remind me of that story you were telling?
Jeffery Shut up
Mike Who are you talking to? Which story?
FELICITY I only heard the first part of your story. I want you to tell me the end before you forget. Continue.
Mike What story?
I dreamed... blackness.
This is silly. Blackness? What a dream.
Sarah Everything is black
Felicity Not everything is black.
M No. People wear different coloured coats.
Sarah I love blackness. It covers up the whole face of the world and shuts you in, holds you, and lulls you to sleep.
Entrapment. You feel that right in your chest, the tightness.
I cannot sleep because my dreams destroy me. They force me to remember.
Felicity You are trapped in a dream. What happens when dreams blur with consciousness? Don’t stay trapped. There is a way out. What can you see? Dreams are stories.
Sarah I love stories. Please tell us a pretty bedtime story. Tell us a story about fragrant wild roses after rain.
FELICITY Yes please do (to Mike). Something about a blue planet?
Mike Oh allright.Once upon a time. There was a very blue planet……Then there was blackness… But before that there were trees…..
Sarah You used to put your head on my shoulder. I would be reading. Pretending it was nothing. I loved having you nested in the crook of my shoulder. And now that you are gone. I can’t cast away this image that I have of you without losing something of myself.
Mike That’s lovely. He’s a lucky guy.
(pause)
I’m not comfortable anymore. I never was. I want to get out. There’s something wrong about being here.
Sarah No, it’s nice.
Felicity Can you remember anything else? Before the blue planet?
Sarah He cant remember. He doesn’t want to remember and nor do I.
Mike Do I know you?
Sarah It seems not
Mike I don’t remember.
Felcity Never apologize for forgetting. It’s not your fault that you can’t remember.
Sarah I wish I could forget. I want to twist my body inside out and become completely new. No connections, no attachments, to anything, anyplace or anyone.
FELICITY Why do you want to forget? Have you done things you regret? Regret is a gift, don’t give it away.
Sarah No one just forgets for no reason. There has to be a reason.
I stood with my back against the wall. His breath choking me. Words secreted. I can’t get away. Fuck off, I say. He moves closer. I smell the sweet stench of his sweat. I want to extinguish it. A single bead of his sweat falls on me and I start crying. His laughter fills my ears. I say it again. His whole presence invades me. For a second I lose my grasp.
He never came home that day. I would imagine seeing him. Leaping into his arms. But afraid. Afraid that he wouldn’t want me to touch him. That his arms would be limp in mine. That I repulsed him. Better to forget. He wouldn’t want me now, anyway.
Jeffery Oooooh ooohh that’s good - Ha ha ha.
FELICITY Stop it.
Jeffery (to Felicity) Don’t tell me to stop. Who do you think you are? (to Sarah) So you think your bloke wont touch you now? I see your point. You probably led the other guy on.
(Felicity tries to stop Jeffrey who lunges at her and pulls her to the ground
The others haul him off.)
Felicity (recovers and embraces Sarah. Jeffrey moves away)
Sarah Too many questions. I want to forget, and I want to start again.
He left me six weeks ago. Well its used to be six weeks ago. Now I don’t know anymore.
I stayed inside, devastated, alone. Every move I made reminded me of him.
I stopped answering the phone, didn't open the blinds. I laid in bed holding on to the smell of him. It was still in the sheets. I didn't check my mail during that time; the letters and bills piled under the door. I suppose I could have, would have stayed that way, if my sister didn't threaten to come and break the door down. When I emerged, there was a letter. Many letters. But yes, a letter.
Who was it from? I should have opened it earlier. I didn’t dare reach for it.
Do you know how it feels to be tied down? To be locked in; heart, body and soul?
FELICITY In the end everyone is free. Darkness and silence bring the ability to hear time move. To see yourself. Only those who know themselves can move on.
Jeffrey (to M) Who is she trying to impress, spouting off like that. Everyone is trying to ignore her, can’t you tell? Jesus, some people are so full of themselves.
M Stop it!. Face your fears in your fucking subconscious. Face them here.
Jeffery Face what? Christ. Everyone’s just begging, like driveling dimwits, “Hear me, hear me, talk to me, I’m scared, I’m lonely, I want to talk to someone.” Everyone in here is so full of themselves that they can’t hear anything else. Shut up everyone!
Felicity She;s right. It is important to face your fears. You just have to know what they are.
Jack (re-enters during last speech) . This place is huge. Why do we choose this room to be in? I cant find the way out. I got lost. Would rather be with people. Im sick of it. What are we supposed to do?
Felicity First you have to imagine. The worst and then much more. The loss so unspeakable I cant describe it further. Then, take what you fear losing about yourself and tear it to shreds. Let it go. When it comes back to you it has changed, morphed into something beautiful but if you never let it go and keep it in its cocoon. no beauty will come of it.
M
There was a crow, or a picture of one. The last time I dreamed...which was a month or a day ago...can't tell in the dark well I was here, but...no...I was on my way somewhere, but, it was LIKE here. Nowhere, like here, only it was open, not closed. Not all black but all light, so light all white, and just...bright you had to squeeze your eyes just to see more white - it is weird having a dream with your eyes closed about your eyes straining wide open ...so weird...I was walking, and someone was behind me, they were supposed to be leading the way but they were just too slow. I tried to wait but the slower I went, the slower they went, but we had to keep moving, right? So I led as best I could, I kept asking for guidence as I pushed forward, but I couldn't speak the language - I couldn't pick words, or they could understand. It began to grow darker and I grew afraid. I descided that I liked the light better then the dark, so I turned back, but it didn't change. But the light was gone, and I missed it. In the dark I was afraid to move, in the light I was searching.
It was then that I noticed my guide was gone. I felt guilty almost, never noticing, not caring. he must have been as lonely, searching, like me. So I sat down...and cried. When all my tears were gone, and the blackness complete...I began painting pictures in my head and slowly I began to feel my guide was back, but curious and offended. He didn't like me anymore but he liked my pictures. I drew everything I could picutre. But I was never happy with my paintings, but then I painted a final picture for him...of the light I remembered.
It was a crow, dancing...My guide, My silent spectator, had given something to me. A crow...(laugh) a fucking dancing crow...back and forth...left to right...like that fucking hamster...only left right left right… And I just suddenly felt the urge to dance. I danced into a frenzy...and the light came on...and I began to run with excitement. and my guide was leading from behind again. Only in the light the dark isn't so scary. It is kind of comforting.
Felicity A dancing crow. Where I've heard it, a crow means death.
Jack How does this help us?
Felicity I don’t know but it might help her.
Mike I think the Blue planet is in the Zoo.
Sarah What did you say?
Felicity Why is the Blue planet in the zoo?
Mike I don’t know. I just remember birds and animals had something to do with the blue planet story. Children. I think it was a planetarium. Yes that’s what it was. The Blue planet is in the planetarium.
Felicity Next to the zoo!
M My cousin likes hamsters. He had a pair, and they rapidly multiplied into 10, 30,...
But he was bad at caring for them... He over-cared, if there's such a word. After he bathed them, he was worried that they would catch a cold.
He used a hairdryer to dry them.
He had 7 left after awhile.
Jeffery Squawk Squawk...You crows in the blackness. The crowing of Liars! What? Are you all going to crow some more imaginings now. HA! And to think, nothing better to do then blab about nothing..
Silence
M Why do you have to be so angry all the time? Talk to me
Jeffery Why? Youre just crazy. A fucked up, washed up user
Silence
(M cries. Jeffery moves away abruptly)
FELICITY (to Jeffery) Why don’t you apologise?
Jeffery Why don’t you stop trying to talk to me?
FELICITY Fine. Someone tell another story. We have to move on from this.
Blackout
JACK Alright. I will. Here goes. I was just driving by and heard the shots. I could see two men with guns and a whole group of people scattering. And. I. Don't know why. But. I stopped and got out.
Jeffery Are you stupid? Most normal people aren't drawn to gunfire.
JACK You weren't there. There was desperation in those shots. A far cry from humanity. A plea.
Jeffery It's all in your head.
JACK Am I telling this story or are you?
Someone was bargaining with the killers. (pause) Fourteen shots. Seven dead.
Jeffery And it is such a tragedy because/
FELICITY Because they were human beings. With potential.
Jeffery Potential for what?
JACK- Anything.
JACK- No one deserved to die like that.
Jeffery- Not even ruthless criminals? Why?
You clearly haven't thought this through/
JACK- well then why don't you say/
Jeffery- They have equal potential at every point for good and evil. Why is one greater than the other?
JACK- Because they were taken without having the opportunity to decide.
Jeffery- And of course the papers and their friends will say that they were on the honour roll, and that they volunteered at
the local food drive, etc, etc. (pause) Such a tragedy. Why is it that their deaths inflate what they did and mask their
ugliness?
FELICITY Why don’t you let him finish?
Jeffery- Why don’t you stay out of it?
If I died I would hate to be remembered as a sweet and caring soul whose love extended, bla bla bla.
M Ha ha ha
Jeffery- Why do we have to make things more than what they are? So that we can blubber and carry on? Nothing more than this.
JACK- Yeah, well, I think we do it to make the world make a little more sense. Who gives a fuck if we are lying to ourselves?
(Silence)
A little lie can make the truth so much more bearable.
(pause)
Jeffery- I would like to think that I would leave them there to be killed. Not the other way around 'cause you know why?
JACK- Why?
Jeffery- Because fuck them, thats why.
Felicity: Why can’t you just let him tell his story? All you can do is leak poison all over them. I’m sick of it. I’m tired of you. Can you tell me what is wrong with you?
Jeffery: Why can’t you just stay the hell out of everyone’s business?
Felicity: Can you answer me? Can you tell me what is wrong with you?
Jeffery: What is wrong with you? If you are so fucking knowledgable why don’t you help yourself and get the fuck out of here?
Felicity: I don’t need to be here. I’m surprised at how little you know after so long.. I’m surprised by how little you can change... Are you the smallest person here?
Jeffery: (non vocal cue of dismissal)
Felicity: (finally loses her temper and becomes vicious): I will leave you here.
(Jeffery storms off)
Silence
Felicity Sorry. Please continue.
JACK Every time you turn on the TV and watch someone die in your favourite movie what do you do? Do you tell the person next to you in the film house to call the police?
Everything is being held in such a fine, fragile balance. It takes only a second for things to change. Those moments come more often now.
I don't seek them out anymore. They find me.
FELICITY The way you told us the story it, it was as if it had really happened. Not on TV
Next time, you should be clearer about what you're talking about and stop misleading people.
JACK The only person I misled was you. Can't I make up anything that I want? When dreams blur with consciousness, what have you then?
Mike That was a terrible thing to make up. You haven’t lived it. Inhuman. Sick.
JACK And you are just so full of action. What have you been able to accomplish? Nothing. I least I have been looking for something. A way out perhaps.
Maybe thats all you are, all talk and no action. Is that what you are?
Felicity Why did you need to make up a story. To pretend something horrific like that?
Jeffery I remember the days where we would string people up by the wrists, and hang them in the dungeons all week, whipping them with hooked strips of leather. Those were glorious days.
You, see, understand him. Its fun.
Sarah You are sick
Jack Im not like you. Don’t think I did it for the same reasons you would
Felicity Why then? Why not tell a real story?
Jack No-one would be interested. Nothing happened in my life.
Felicity Sometimes telling stories is no more than remembering the tune you wake with - that you know you've been singing in your sleep?
Mike Have I been singing?
JACK I used to count time by singing songs. Of course, I have no way of knowing how long the songs I am humming in my head are, but when I thought I was alone here, it helped me to keep going. Singing into my head - although sometimes I know I was singing out into the darkness. I used to imagine people were here but silent because they were listening...
Jeffery There is no one here except me. You are all figments of my imagination.
Silence
Mike Excuse me, you're... you're...you're such a tyrant. Im going to sleep.
Jeffery Hahaha, there's no need to go to sleep. You're already asleep. Half your mind is asleep. You don't know anything. You don't remember anything.
Mike It's not as if I have a choice. I'm trying to remember. You can't bear it if anyone makes more sense than you do.
JACK There is always a choice or are you going to tell me that I was fated to be here?
M The sense we make of anything is a construction. Patterns in nature are only patterns because we see them as such; if you think someone is making more sense than another its because you identify with them and not the other.
Sense is a sensibility that makes no sense. If you can make sense of this it's because you have forgotten to use your senses. What sense can come of no sense?
Nonsense
One thousand and one. one thousand and two. one thousand and three. one thousand and five. one thousand sixteen. one thousand one hundred. one thousand two hundred. one thousand one hundred forty. one thousand seven hundred fifty. two thousand and one. two thousand and two. two thousand four hundred and seven. three thousand. and one.
Jeffrey Ok, you can stop that now because its very annoying
M
There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who kept all his marbles in a bucket,
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man,
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.
Mike I've heard that somewhere before...
Jeffery It is a limerick you blumbering fool. They are instantly identifiable. Perfectly planned pentad anapestic poetry, as my teacher used to say. Da da da-da-da (hums out a lymric)
JACK It was a bad limerick. Who kept all his marbles in a bucket...there is one too many. And on the second one. Ignorance
Mike I'm not supposed to be here.
There's so many better things to do with my time. Why should I be here? I should get out soon. I'm going to get out soon.
Everyone around here seems to revel in the comfortable quiet. Comfortable darkness. And here I am struggling with a reality that is unbearable. My life is like a word that is always on the tip of your tongue. It has a shape and sound in my mind but when it trys to emerge. Silence.
Sarah Somehow I forget his name. I swore I would never forget it. Not after what happened.
Mike The darkness was strange, for me, right from the start.
I'm not comfortable anymore. I want to get out of here. There's something wrong about being here.
FELICITY Look. Instead of something you saw on the television, instead of trying to impress, why don’t you tell us something real. Something true
JACK- Who cares? Nothing is true.
(pause)
FELICITY-. Right. Who does? But you want to get out of here. You want to know about where we are. You want to know that truth.
JACK Of course
FELICITY Well, listen then. I’ll give you a clue. This place functions at full capacity when everyone arrives at a sort of break with traditional time
JACK- Ok. I can see that.
FELICITY – What else do you know about this place?
JACK Well not just everyone can come here, like any public place. To get in you must have a sort of permission or it’s a punishment. Dunno what it is. And I don’t know how you get out.
FELICITY What sort of permission do you need? What are you being punished for?
JACK- I don’t know. It just feels that way.
What use is all this?
FELICITY- There are laws of nature, knowable to us/
JACK- Laws, bla-bla-bla. Why don’t you talk straight? Why should I listen to you?
FELICITY- I am older than you. I have studied these ideas endlessly.
JACK- Whats the point in ideas when it doesn’t get us anywhere. Thinking is just standing still.
FELICITY- What reason do you have not to trust me?
JACK- I don't trust anyone.
FELICITY Why not?
JACK- Lets talk about something else. This is boring.
FELICITY- It's important. Everything you see around you is somehow connected to the understanding that I am trying to teach you. You must learn these things or else be doomed to/
JACK- To what? I was never going to do any good.
(FELICITY moves towards JACK)
JACK- DON'T COME ANY CLOSER. Back off. You think you know what I should learn, and do. You don't know shit.
(silence)
FELICITY- I am only trying to help you.
JACK- How? Why?
FELICITY You have so much potential
JACK Ive heard that before
FELICITY And its true
JACK What are you supposed to do with potential?
(JACK PSYCHODRAMA - JACK’s Mother played by Felicity – depressed, reading a letter to JACK)
The best thing for me to do is leave. You will understand when youre older. You have so much potential and Im the one who is dragging you back. I want to remove myself from you so you have no more excuses. I know you will do great things. No-one else is likely to come close. It will hurt you if I go but I am useless to you. I am obsolete. You must forget me.
(out of psychodrama)
JACK This is utter crap. I wont be what you want. I don’t care what you want. Im going to do what I want.
(JACK exits)
Jeffery Why are you staring at me like that?
Mike Because you know someone else just left and each time it freaks you out because its not you. And you don’t know why or how they leave.
Sarah And you’ve been here for years. Havent you?
M Leave him alone
Mike Why defend him. He’s awful to you.
M He doesn’t mean it – do you? (to Jeffrey). It takes me all the time Im in here to make him listen and then I leave and he stays here.
Felicity Take him with you this time
M Whats wrong with you? Why wont you talk to anyone. It has to be boring.
Jeffrey You never did get it. But youre alright. The only one that ever was. Youre ok now arent you?
M I guess
Jeffrey I mean youre making sense now. You work it all out each time. Why do you come back again?
M God, they all ask that. If I knew I don’t suppose Id be here. If you know what I mean.
Jeffery You really are very funny when youre nuts though. Take some more stuff and come back soon wont you?
M No. Never again. Im not coming back. I don’t want to stop time again. Its like a cemetary. The only point is disappearance and dissolution.
FELICITY That’s not the only point.
M For some of us, its what we want at the time. Time to stop.
Mike I remember when time stopped. I was walking in the park with my love. It was as if... everything slowed down just for us.
But then, I don't remember anything that happened after the car…
(Sarah and Mike PSYCHODRAMA)
Sarah: walking. feeling dirt. sun warmed dirt.
Mike: my turn. wet leaves. soft moss. smell of wet cedar bark.
Sarah. fragrant wild rose after rain
Mike. Stop. no floweryness, literally or figuratively. My turn. More dirt. This time between toes. The feeling on the backs of my eyes as the sun flickers.
Sarah. that's flowery too.
Mike. no it's not. it's exactly like that. That's one of my favourite things in the park domain.
Sarah. well, how about this. your wet lips. [kiss]
Mike. Yeah, that's alright.
Sarah. Alright? How about this?
Mike not bad. What do you think of this?
Sarah. s'alright. Your hair tickles.
Mike:come on, let's get out of here;it's really pouring.
Sarah: I wanna stay. I like the rain. What a perfect moment this is..
Mike: you can't keep it. It was there, now it's gone. Let's go.
Sarah: What do you mean let’s go?
Mike: we’ve had a nice time. It’s been beautiful all day, but now it’s raining, so let’s go.
Sarah: I know it’s been nice. It’s still nice. I’m just asking to stay a bit longer, what difference does it make now? We’re already soaked.
Mike: this difference that it makes is that I’m ready to get out of here.
Sarah: ready to get out of where?
Mike: don’t take it there, you know what I mean.
Sarah: No I don’t know what you mean. Why don’t you explain it to me? you want to leave. What is it you want to leave? What could you possibly need that you don’t have right now?
Mike: I’m not getting into this with you again. I’m tired. I’m wet. I’m cold. I want to go home. C’mon. wet lips? (embraces her against a garden wall in park, tries to kiss)
Sarah: fuck off. (gently)
Mike: (laughs) then how bout just fuck? Another reason to get out of this rain.
[she is not amused, doesn’t want to leave, bit of a struggle]
Sarah: fuck off
Mike: Why not fuck? Why. Do. We. Never. Fuck?
(out of psychodrama)
Mike her. leaving. STOP. the car. the park. Buddy? Glass. the park. black.
blackness. "Sir, can you hear me?" "Sir?" wet. blood. "Sir?" glass. Oh. her.
"You've just been in an accident." where? "Sir?" the car. time. still
raining. sleep. I'm tired. Buddy? soaked. I'm soaked. blue. and black. my
head. I can't hear you. "Sir?" in the park. in the black. on the street.
near the lake. blood in the glass. Stop. Buddy. stop. stop.
(Blackout)
(Reads letter which has been with her all the time)
I want to read you this letter. After weeks of being in that room I found it. But it wasn’t from my love. It was from him.
I hate to be the one to tell you but everything you feared has come true. I have tried calling to no avail and when I went by your place everything was neat and tidy but I couldn't find you. Do you think that I would forget about you and stop looking for you?
He doesn’t remember you, anymore. But I do.
Mike The Blue planet…..
Sarah What are you saying?
Mike I went to the Blue planet in the planetarium. After the park. To make me feel better. To escape. It was raining. Then the car crash. Then blackness….. Its you.
Sarah Yes, its me.
Mike Why didn’t you say so?
Sarah Because you wouldn’t recognise me if I did. Like a stranger. That’s colder than empty.
Mike And because of the guy
Its not your fault
(Mike and Sarah exit)
M Well, they’ve gone. Not many of us left. And no new ones. For a while anyway. Sometimes its easy to figure out who is toying with you and sometimes not.
Anything can happen in here. Its always different.
Did the cat come back and get your tongue. Foolish to think that your idle utterings could silence people in the dark.
Although I must say it has been rather quiet in here lately.
Who wants attention the child that is silent or the child that yells at the others, calls them morons, and puts their nose where it doesn't belong?
If only you knew what I dream about. That would shut you up. By the way, wipe the sweat off your brow, and for god sake cover your arms around here. We don't want anyone mistaking you for a raving loon.
Jeffery I just want to sit quietly. Will you just go away?
M You just don't see it, do you? You think that the answer lies somewhere, that it has a visible and tangible form that you can see or lay your hands on. And you think that the answer will "show" you the way. Grow up. You are here and the way is what you are going to have to work out yourself. Action. Not sitting around, waiting for the solution to fall from the sky.
The perfect solution for everything hangs out there in the distance, one huge glistening ice sculpture that people can’t see.
It is easy. I am adaptable. I go with the flow. I react according to what the situation demands. I am not tied down. I am alone though. I locked myself out of my room today. Can't believe I still do things like that.
Couldn't find my keys. Silly. Found them though. Last place I looked. I also found the key if you want out.
Sorry for making you wait.
Jeffery What is this key supposed to do? Do you really think that this key will be the solution to your ridiculous and useless existence? Why do you keep coming back? If I left this place Id never return.
M I like you, you idiot. Why don’t you come with me this time?
(Jeffery tries to follow but cant pass through the door)
FELICITY You have to know what to unlock. You tell me that and youre on your way.There’s nothing on the other side of that door for you but more of the same.
Silence
Jeffery Youre fucking cheerful. Ha ha! No hope for me then.
FELICITY It is your choice
Jeffery We don’t get to choose anything. Its all set out before us. And always will be.
(JEFFERY PSYCHODRAMA - Jeffery’s aunt is played by Felicity and Jeffery’s father by Jeffery himself)
Aunt Whats wrong with him? Sitting there not speaking for hours. I think you should talk to him.
Father Why? What good does it do? He’s weak. He will always be weak. Something wrong with him. I did think once that he might have some potential. But not anymore. I gave up hope long ago.
Aunt Well he’s your responsibility. When Joan was dying I told her Id make sure you could cope. But I never offered to take him.
Father This is the 5th time this week he’s been beaten up. Kids are like animals. It’s survival of the fittest. And what is he fit for?
Aunt Listen, he’s your son.
Father Always Joans more than mine.
Aunt Joan pampered him too much as a baby. Is he still wetting himself? Joan told me he was always doing that.
Father Oh for Christ’s sake. Please don’t tell me anymore. I have to just pretend he’s not my son. It’s the only way to bear it.
(Back to Office scene)
FELICITY Without dreams. Without hope. Without a faint glimmer of anything but what is right in front of you. I wish I could change something for you. But I cant.
Jeffery You fool.
Fuck you
You have no clue
No clue atall. Not really surprising. What the fuck do you expect? You sniveling little children, wondering around with your SMALL problems. Try being told you aren’t quite there, again and again. Like you are an alien. Like everyone else knows the scheme, the plot, the rules but not you. You are left slithering around in the mud wondering what happened when the latest person just kicked you in the stomach.
Now I know what to do.
You have no fucking clue.
You should have noticed what was happening here long ago. Everyone begging, ‘ hear me hear me, talk to me, Im scared, Im lonely, I want to talk to someone’. Don’t make me the same as them. That wasn’t the point.
FELICITY Who are you talking to? There’s no one left to bully.
(FELICITY moves to front of stage and sits)
The first time I left, felt like heaven. But I went back when I could. To help, you see. To help them leave.
In the end, I lost my patience and left him there. I had tried so hard to help him. I did my best to befriend him and help him come back, but he never truly changed. Leaving him was the first and only time I remember acting out of vengeance towards somebody.
I may go back one day. I haven't been able to find the time recently.
I might go back; to see what has happened; to see if my poor friend is still trapped.
posted by Dustin at 1:14 a.m.
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